I've set up a journal on my own website now, so I'll be using that rather than this in future. Probably means nobody will read it, but that just means I can write about more personal stuff...

Here is the link:
[link]

We saw Revenge of the Sith last night. I so wanted it to be good, and I did enjoy it... it just wasn't enough to make up for Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't regret seeing it, and it does tie in beautifully to A New Hope. It just could have been so much better. If only Lucas had allowed his actors to perform the way they have in so many excellent movies, instead of insisting on the wooden monotones. If only the focus of many scened hadn't been buried in the sumptuous backdrops he created. If only he could write dialogue...

Ironically, the best acting -briefly - came from the newly be-helmeted Darth Vader, though that quickly degenerated into a Frankenstein's Monster scene... of a Mel Brooks rather than Boris Karlof vintage. Seems young Hayden can emote better from behind a mask.

Not that I can talk - my DVDs are all on sale now, and while I'm sure they will sell well for their content, the score for technical merit is very low. At least they are out there, and the next series will be better.

Interesting the way long-forgotten memories can swim to the surface.

My son told me today that my ex-wife, his mother, is in hospital, facing the loss of a toe due to not taking care of her diabetes. Now it goes without saying that the fact she's my EX-wife suggests a breakdown in our relationship... I certainly felt, and still feel, that our split was the best thing for everyone concerned. We've developed a sort of amicable neutrality since then - we talk nice, don't yell, etc.

But to my surprise, I find that while I obviously don't love her the way that prompted me to marry her, I do, in fact, still care about what happens to her. I find myself concerned for her welfare, and acknowledging that deep down inside, I will always have a little love for the mother of my children. I sort of knew this intellectually, but it is the first time this has really hit home.

Now don't mistake this for regrets - as I said, both at the time and now, I know I did the right thing, and I am happily married to a wonderful woman here in the US, and very content with my lot. I'm just taking ownership of the bond that is still there. After all, we shared eleven years of our life together, raised two children and a coven together, and shared many interests. It just wasn't meant to be a forever thing, though.

this is made all the more poignant by the fact that until I met my current wife, I didn't believe love existed. Not the "happily ever after" sort, anyway. I thought love was a label for chemistry and a certain kind of friendship, and then I met Wife Mk 2, and discovered that Shakespeare, Hollywood and the fairy tales were right. And now, looking back through the lens of my concern for her wellbeing, I realize that I loved Wife Mk 1 as well, and part of that love still lies within me. I wouldn't want to resume a relationship with her again, even if I were single. But there is still a caring, a feeling of shared experiences, that makes me want to comfort her, to heal her. I've really never experienced anything like this before, but I think it is a good thing. Maybe I am human, after all...

So I was already loving my new monitor, and the nVidia MMX 440 graphics card I was using was pretty good, but I wanted to upgrade, and got hold of a Radeon 9250 with four times the graphics memory, plus DVI connector. So now my monitor has a digital connection to the computer, and I'm blown away by the increase in detail.

I can't do much by way of a faster processor without replacing the motherboard, but I've got some room for improvement memory-wise, so that is the next upgrade on my list.

I got a new monitor on Saturday - a Samsung 930B 19" LCD one, with an 8ms refresh rate and a ratio of 700:1. It is beautiful and clear, and I love it. The extra two inches and the fact I doubled my screen resolution means that I have a larger effective desktop, almost 4 times larger than my old one, so Premiere Pro is not so cramped any more. I've got a new graphics card coming too, which will enable me to use the fancy transitions in Pinnacle Liquid Edition 6, so I'm looking forward to my editing getting snazzier.